I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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