I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
