we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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