i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
