Did you just see the Batmobile???
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
