everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
