Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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