She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
