her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
