I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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