I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
