you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
