Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
