some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
