i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
