Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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