I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
