my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
