The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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