Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
