i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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