i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
