I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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