is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
