I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
