so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
