Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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