I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize