I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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