I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
barbara walters just said penis...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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