I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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