We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
