I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
