Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
