Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
