the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
