ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
