Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
