I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize