so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
