In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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