its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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