There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
