I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
