Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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