don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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