haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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