Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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