remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
