well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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